Remember when I mentioned going back to work? The job interview and working interview went really well. They offered me the job! However, finding childcare in Portland is really difficult. For one it’s EXPENSIVE, and literally every place I have called or emailed has a wait list of at least 5 kids. Apparently I should have put Anthony on a wait list while I was pregnant.

We finally found a nanny that our neighbor’s recommended, we met with her and got to know her a little. She is so friendly and Thomas and I both left feeling good about Anthony being in her care. She offered to have him come to her house for drop-in care to make sure it is a good fit for her and us. We expected to do this twice, once in the middle of the month, and again at the end. She texted me yesterday and said he could come today for 6 hours. I dropped him off at 8:30 this morning, and as soon as I shut her door I wanted to cry. I have never left Anthony with anyone other than my sister and best Portland friend Alyssa. I’v never had trouble leaving him before because I’ve known the people really well that he has stayed with. It was really hard for me. He looked so confused when I got up to leave and gave him a hug and a kiss. It broke my heart! I cried the whole 5 minutes driving back home. Thankfully Thomas happened to be going in to work late today, so I was able to cry to him when I first got home. Our house feels so empty without Anthony here making noises and climbing on my leg while I’m cleaning.  A little while after I got home the nanny texted me and let me know that Anthony didn’t cry when I left, and that he was playing with a toy piano and talking to her. It made me feel so much better! He’s pretty good at getting along with people he doesn’t know once he has time to warm up, but I couldn’t help but feel soooooo guilty leaving him with someone he has only met once before.

I was really looking forward to today though. It’ll be the longest I have been home alone since Anthony was born. I already cleaned the kitchen, folded laundry, crocheted, drank WARM coffee, and ate in peace. Being alone is rare, and it feels really nice but strange at the same time. I haven’t been on the computer in so long because Anthony always wants to sit on my lap when I do, and it’s hard to get anything done. I’ll be picking him up at 3:00 and I’m really looking forward to seeing how his day went.

If all goes well I might be back to work in March, which scares me so bad but also makes me really excited. It will feel good to be making decent money again and being able to contribute to the household expenses. Crocheting is great, but it doesn’t really pay the bills haha


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