When Anthony was first born, my hormones were crazy! I cried constantly because I was so overwhelmed with happiness and love for my sweet baby boy. It was such a stranger feeling. I was never an emotional person… I could watch a really sad movie and would barely feel anything. This started to change when I got pregnant and I noticed myself getting teared up while watching TV, listening to music, or just thinking about meeting my baby. Anyways, my postpartum hormones leveled out and I started to feel more like myself. I still get emotional when Anthony does something for the first time, or sometimes just watching him sleep will make me cry because there is just SO. MUCH. LOVE.
Now, I’m going to talk about periods, so if that’s not your thing you can stop reading. I basically didn’t have a period for 20 months. I got my first one after having Anthony just last month (Thank you breastfeeding!!!) I was pretty sad when it showed up. It was so nice not having to deal with it for so long. I had pretty bad cramps and felt like I was going to overflow blood everywhere. My mood was the same though. I never was one to get PMS or be moody around my cycle, I would usually just want to eat the world a week before it came.
Fast forward to this month, just 2 days ago actually. Sunday night was rough. Anthony hadn’t taken a nap and he went into beast mode! I’ve never seen him act so crazy. He was screeching/screaming/laughing hysterically for no reason. I’m usually very patient and can calmly talk to him and tell him to please stop, but on Sunday I felt crazy like I couldn’t handle it. Thomas helped me through it and eventually Anthony fell asleep after 11pm. I woke up Monday at 6am because Anthony was making noise. As soon as I got up I noticed that I just felt off and not like myself. I walked into his room and decided to lay on the guest bed with him in hopes that we could both go back to sleep for a little bit. He nursed, then decided it was time to play. He sat up then basically headbutted me immediately after. It hurt, and I just started bawling. Uncontrollable crying and I have no idea why. I am not the type of person to cry because I’m in pain. I just couldn’t stop. I’d finally relax a little bit, then it would start all over. Thomas came in once his alarm went off and got into bed with me and just held me. He wanted to help but I legitimately did not know why I was still crying. I felt so awful and guilty, I felt like I needed to sleep all day. I almost asked Thomas to call out of work but decided against it. Eventually around 8:30am Anthony fell asleep, and I did too. I woke up feeling like I could sleep for 5 days straight. it was awful. It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt like this. I basically just laid on the couch until noon while trying to keep Anthony somewhat entertained in front of me with his toys.
I eventually had to get off the couch because I was supposed to meet my friend Alyssa downtown. I made a point not to cancel plans because I knew it would probably help me if I got out of the house, and it did. We met up with one of our other friends and had an early dinner and by the time I got home, I almost felt completely like myself again. I just blamed my hormones because I had no other reason to feel the way I did.
So, yesterday I ended up getting my second period since having Anthony. I’m assuming the feelings I had were PMS? I just don’t know, but I really hope next month is better and I don’t got through these crazy emotions again.